I know nothing about astrology. Well, that’s not totally true. I know that I’m a Virgo according to my zodiac sign, and I know that I’m such a Virgo according to every meme on Instagram. Virgos are known for their practicality, analytical minds, and strong desire to help others. I suppose if I profess that I think horoscopes are silly because they exploit cognitive biases and make sweeping, broadly interpretable statements that can be vaguely mapped to universal experiences, you could argue that I’m hardwired to think that way. Alas, my destiny to become a know-it-all was written in the stars…and boy have I fulfilled it.
While my ignorance about mysticism has led me to skepticism, having a supportive yoga community means I’m often exposed to people who are passionate about astrology. I’ve come to understand it as a spiritual practice not unlike organized religion in the sense that it helps people connect to a higher power and make meaning out of life’s unanswerable questions. Whether or not it’s my personal belief system, it’s a source of hope and faith that positively influences people’s lives, so there’s no downside to keeping an open mind.
Earlier this year, a loose acquaintance in my yoga circle predicted that the full moon on August 28th would be a significant date for me in 2026. She explained that releasing rituals are practiced during full moons, and she specifically advised me to harness the opportunity to cut out relationships that no longer served me. It struck me how matter-of-factly she made this recommendation despite being a near stranger, especially because the aspect of my life that I love most is the people in it. Moreover, August 28th happens to be my birthday. So, here’s a list of people who should prepare to hear “new moon, who dis?” on the precipice of my next trip around the sun.
- Millennials that feud with Gen Z. As a pre-teen during Y2K, I know firsthand that the resurgence of low-rise jeans feels more like a personal threat than a fashion trend in our 30s. However, categorically degrading an entire generation whose lived experience is only slightly different than ours comes across condescending, not to mention low key unc. (Did I use that right?)
- People who think it’s provocative to have an opinion about whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
- See also: People who viscerally react to the word “moist”.
- Men that play devil’s advocate. I’m not opposed to being challenged, but compulsive contrarians tend to manufacture opposition at the expense of practicing empathy. Does the devil really need an advocate?
- Beatboxers.
- Parents that make their children the responsibility of every adult but themselves in public. I’ve considered keeping a stash of Pop Rocks and harmonicas in my bag for these occasions. May the blues be the soundtrack to your car ride home *and* the color of your kiddo’s teeth for the rest of the day.
- Journalists that make headlines out of celebrities’ bodies. Even when they’re complimentary or masked as concern, they reinforce that a person’s value stems from their appearance and that all bodies (including our own) are subject to scrutiny or debate.
- People who say, “I’m the type of person who…” Don’t tell me who you are; show me through your actions.
- Chronically flaky, noncommittal friends that cancel plans via rambling faux-apologetic essay texts. I completely understand when things come up or you’re simply not feeling social, so you don’t need to write me a novel about why you can’t make it to Galentine’s brunch, especially if it’s fictional.
- Coworkers that call out, “KNOCK KNOCK!” as they enter your office uninvited.
- Racists, bigots, sexists, and anyone who thinks their life is harder because of immigrants or trans people. Your life is probably hard because of your beliefs, babe.
Happy Virgo season to all who celebrate!
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