A disorderly collection of passing thoughts, insights, and short stories inspired by true events at my gym.

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If you wear yoga pants when you do yoga, swimsuits when you go swimming, and tennies when you play tennis…don’t come around me when you wear a windbreaker.

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If I want to ignore a gym rat, I’ll wear headphones. If I want to attract a gym rat, I’ll flex my traps. Why? Traps catch mice! (And they’re as cheesy as my puns if you take the bait.)

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If you sacrifice alignment, control, or safety to finish your set, you’re lifting too heavy.  If you don’t look like you’re crushing a bowling ball with your butthole on your last rep, you’re not lifting heavy enough.

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If you wear your hair down to do cardio, how do you keep from:

a.) Getting it stuck in your sweaty armpits by the warm-up
b.) Getting mistaken for Weird Al Yankovic by the halfway mark
c.) Getting a deeper understanding of why Britney Spears shaved her head in 2007 by the cool-down

…Asking for a friend.

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Gotta run!