Gym Shorts: Volume 3

A disorderly collection of passing thoughts, insights, and short stories inspired by true events at my gym.


If you wear yoga pants when you do yoga, swimsuits when you go swimming, and tennies when you play tennis…don’t come around me when you wear a windbreaker.


If I want to ignore a gym rat, I’ll wear headphones. If I want to attract a gym rat, I’ll flex my traps. Why? Traps catch mice! (And they’re as cheesy as my puns if you take the bait.)


If you sacrifice alignment, control, or safety to finish your set, you’re lifting too heavy.  If you don’t look like you’re crushing a bowling ball with your butthole on your last rep, you’re not lifting heavy enough.


If you wear your hair down to do cardio, how do you keep from:

a.) Getting it stuck in your sweaty armpits by the warm-up
b.) Getting mistaken for Weird Al Yankovic by the halfway mark
c.) Getting a deeper understanding of why Britney Spears shaved her head in 2007 by the cool-down

…Asking for a friend.


Gotta run!


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